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02-Aug-2017 12:49

You don’t need to be another one in the collection.” I was cautious because things were so ambiguous and not moving anywhere.

At this point, she was still thinking that he was special and putting him on a pedestal.

Their motivations and lack of self-awareness cause a pattern of problems. Yet another woman/guy who can’t control their emotions and is falling for me. All I want to do is ambiguously be friends with them and they all go and get the wrong feckin’ idea.

If you have been let down by somebody who didn’t reciprocate your interest and now they’re all over you like a rash to keep messaging them and keep up a ‘friendship’, they have form for this. Ah well.” My friend eventually discovered that she is indeed a member of his harem. It’s as if these people all read the same playbook.

It really doesn’t and I say this because too many people are obsessed with saving face and maintaining faux friendships because they think that only not-so-good people don’t remain on friendly terms with their exes.

A hell of a lot of people also remain ‘friends’ with their ex because they: 1) want to keep an eye on the other party and keep them in their pocket as a rainy day option in case they change their mind and also to ensure that they haven’t made a bad decision, or 2) are not over them and are effectively re-auditioning in the hopes of being picked up when they realise that they can’t do better or when they have a lobotomy, or 3) are still sleeping with them but calling it ‘friendship’ makes the bitter pill of no official title and relationship easier to swallow, or 4) don’t really like him/her that much but can’t bear the thought that they [the haremologist] may feel similarly so they have the faux friendship for reassurance, or 5) need to validate something and prove it to their ego, peers or ‘everyone’.

Talking with a friend recently who was rather enamoured with a chap who was super ambiguous, a little probing revealed that this guy has a hell of a lot of female friends. Like when you see those shows about hoarders and then can barely move for all of the stuff piled up around them and they feel super attached to stuff that they’re never going to use or appreciate for that matter.

If a person collects attention but is pretty indiscriminate about it and doesn’t have a harem per se (like people who trawl for attention on introduction ‘dating’ sites, Facebook et al), they’re more of an attentionphile.

Some ‘haremologists’ extend this penchant for collecting exes to collecting those of their friends. Your ex girlfriend/boyfriend likes me and I’m making him/her feel better about having been with you.” A number of my early relationships started this way – the friend of an ex swooping in on his broken down donkey disguised as a white horse.



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